I’m sure that we could all use (would all benefit from) a little joke. A standard (common) form of a joke begins with the question, “What’s the difference between…” Here’s a joke I found on the Internet that uses this formula:
What’s the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into (become) pigs after they drink too much.
The key to this joke is that the word “pig” is both an animal and a term we use for a man who behaves very badly or crudely, especially toward women. If a man drinks too much, he can sometimes begin to act badly, especially toward women.
Here’s another one:
What’s the difference between one yard and two yards?
A fence.
Yard can refer to the area outside of your house, usually with grass. Yard is also a unit of measurement equal to 36 inches (or 91.44 centimeters for the rest of the world). When you first read the question, you think that the person is asking about the unit of measurement, but the answer is about the area around your house. A fence separates the yards of neighbors, and so creates two separate yards.
Are jokes funny if they have to be explained? I don’t know. You tell me!
Nothing is more nerve-wracking (causing you to be nervous or under stress) than applying for a job. It’s even worse when you realize you’ve made a mistake or typo (typing mistake) on your cover letter (letter to apply for a job) or resume (document showing your education, work experience, etc.)
Here are a few mistakes that people have made in the past. An applicant is someone applying for a job and oops is what we say when we’ve made a mistake. See if you can spot (find) the mistake before you read the explanation.
• “I worked for six years as an uninformed security guard.”
[Oops: There is an extra letter “n.” It should be “uniformed” meaning wearing a uniform or special clothes for a job, NOT “uniNformed,” which means someone who is not knowledgeable.]
• “My last job was as a plumbing and hating specialists.”
[Oops: This time, this person is missing the letter “e.” It should be “heating,” which refers to a machine or system in a building that makes the temperature warmer, NOT “hating,” which is to dislike something very much.]
• “The academic scholarship I earned came with a plague.”
[Oops: This applicant spelled this word with a “g” instead of a “q.” A “plague” is a disease that affects a lot of people, and a “plaque” is a flat thing made of wood, metal, or something else that is displayed to remember an event or person.]
• “My career goal is to shave my talents with a growing company.”
[Oops: This applicant used the wrong word. It should be “show” and not “shave,” which is what many men do every morning to remove the hair on their faces.]
• “After graduating from college, I worked in a clothing store for seven moths.”
[Oops: I believe this applicant worked at the store for seven “months” and not for seven “moths,” which are small, brown flying insects.]
• “My volunteer experience includes delivering hot males to senior citizens.”
[Oops: I think this applicant means “meals” (food) and not “males” (men), though senior citizens (older adults, usually over 65) may also appreciate getting some males, too.]
If you didn’t know these two words–kitty-corner and copycat–you may think they have something to do with cats, but they don’t.
A kitty is what we call a small or baby cat. However, kitty-corner means that something is located diagonally across from something else, usually across an intersection where two streets meet.
In this picture, the chicken is kitty-corner from the restaurant. The bench (long seat) is kitty-corner from the two trees. There are no cats–or kitties–anywhere.
Copycat (or copy cater) is a word used by children to refer to someone who copies someone else’s ideas or behavior, such as the way they dress or the way they speak. Adults sometimes use it jokingly to mean the same thing.
For example, if I cut my hair short and bleached it (made it a lighter color), and the following week, Jeff cut his hair and bleached it, I may say, “Jeff, you are a copycat.” Of course, those of you who have been listening to the podcast for a long time know that that would be impossible!
As many of you know, California has many immigrants who speak English as a second language. The State of California has developed a special website to help adults learn English online. It is full of short, interesting news stories with additional materials to help you improve your English. These stories are good for both intermediate and advanced students. The site is called the California Distance Learning Project (CDLP).
How to use this site: Warren Ediger, one of the best ESL classroom teachers and online tutors I know, has detailed suggestions on how you can use this site to help improve your English. Warren gives you specific steps on how to make the best use of the articles and stories you will find on the CDLP website.
It’s Monday, the start of a new week, and for those of us who work Monday to Friday, the most dreaded (disliked before it happens) day of the week.
We used to say that the average work week for Americans if 40 hours. These days, Americans are actually working more, with about 40% working 50 hours or more. That’s more work and more pressure. Pressure is the force we feel to do something. Bosses may pressure workers to do more work. Workers are under pressure to do well to keep their jobs.
This song is called “Under Pressure” and is by the classic rock group Queen. You may recognize the first seven notes (musical sounds). They have been sampled (music used from other songs) in other, more recent songs. The video is interesting to watch, too. I sometimes feel like screaming (yelling loudly with a high voice), just like the women in the video. Don’t stand too close to me.
~ Lucy
“Under Pressure”
by Queen
Mm ba ba de
Um bum ba de
Um bu bu bum da de (just sounds with no meaning)
Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you, no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down Splits (divides) a family in two Puts people on streets (makes people homeless)
Um ba ba be
Um ba ba be
De day da
Ee day da
It’s the terror (being very scared) of knowing what the world is about
Watching some good friends screaming, ‘Let me out’ Pray (communicating with a god) tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets
Day day de mm hm
Da da da ba ba
O.K.
Chippin’ around (going around (not used in American English)) - kick my brains (the organ in your head that allows you to think) around the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours (rains very hard)
Ee do ba be
Ee da ba ba ba
Um bo bo
Be lap
People on streets - ee da de da de
People on streets - ee da de da de da de da
It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about
Watching some good friends screaming, ‘Let me out’
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher high high
Pressure on people - people on streets
Turned away from it all like a blind (unable to see) man Sat on a fence (not supporting one side or another; being neutral) but it don’t work
Keep coming up with love but it’s so slashed (cut into pieces with a knife) and torn
Why - why - why ?
Love love love love love Insanity (craziness; mental illness) laughs under pressure - we’re cracking (breaking into small pieces; becoming emotionally unstable)
Can’t we give ourselves one more chance
Why can’t we give love that one more chance
Why can’t we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
‘Cause (because) love’s such an old-fashioned (traditional; not modern) word
And love dares you (asks that you have courage) to care for the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure
If you are an artist in the U.S., your artwork (piece of art) may be protected under the Visual Artists Rights Act, which became law in 1990. If you live in California, your artwork may also be protected by the California Art Preservation Act (1979). Both of these laws prohibit (make something unlawful, not legal) the alteration (changing) or destruction (destroying) of certain types of public artwork without first notifying (telling) the artist so that the artist can remove the artwork if he or she wants to.
In Los Angeles yesterday, an artist by the name of Kent Twitchell received a $1.1 million settlement (decision or compromise between the two sides in a lawsuit) in his lawsuit against the U.S. government and 11 other people who managed the building. He filed the lawsuit because his six-story (floor) mural (painting on a wall) on the side of a government building in downtown Los Angeles was painted over, so that a new layer of paint covered the mural. The mural was painted between 1978 and 1987 and is of another artist. It was painted over in 2006.
For the artist, the good news is that art experts say that it is still possible to restore (bring back) the mural. It’s not clear, though, if that will happen.
Many of you know that Voice of America has a “Special English” program that helps you improve your English by using a more limited vocabulary and slowing down the rate of speech (how fast someone talks). It is similar to ESL Podcast, except that there are no explanations or “fast” versions at the end.
Voice of America Special English now has a 30 minute television show which gives you four to five news stories each week in video format. The nice thing about these videos is that they are captioned, meaning you can see the words in English on the screen. VOA makes it easy for you to get these automatically by making them part of a weekly podcast.
If you have iTunes and want to subscribe to the podcast, do this:
(a) Open your iTunes and go the the Advanced menu on the top
(b) Click on the ‘Subscribe to Podcast’ menu item
(c) Copy and paste this web address into the box:
http://www.voanews.com/specialenglish/customcf/videocastxml.cfm?id=1316
(d) Click Okay.
The latest podcast will begin to download in iTunes. When it’s finished downloading, just click on the episode and enjoy!
Anyone who flies a lot knows what it is like to be in an airplane with inconsiderate (not kind; not thinking of others) travelers. Here are a few common complaints:
- People who talk on their cell phones at a loud volume (level of sound) and even after the flight attendant announces that all portable (able to travel) electronics should be shut off.
- While getting onto the airplane, people who stand in the aisle (walkway) for a long time, holding up (delaying) the rest of the passengers.
- People who speak loudly and non-stop (without stopping), often to the stranger (unknown person) sitting next to them who would rather rest.
- Parents who allow their children to run up and down the aisle or to yell loudly without checking them (telling them to stop).
- Passengers who bring more luggage on the plane then the two small bags allowed, taking up valuable overhead space (storage space over the seats).
- People who spread out (take more space) from their own seat to the seat next to them or by reclining (leaning back) their seats all the way back.
- People who don’t keep the bathroom clean for other people.
What annoys you when you fly? What do you do that might annoy other passengers?
Last week, I wrote a post about something called the Din in the Head, what is sometimes called “involuntary mental rehearsal.” (If you haven’t read the first post, go back and read it now.) I asked at the end of Part 1 what the meaning of the Din was. What does the Din say about language acquisition?
One researcher thinks that hearing a Din is a sign that your brain is actually picking up new vocabulary, sounds, and grammatical structures. The “noise” of the Din is a product (result) of your Language Acquisition Device (LAD) - that part of your brain that is dedicated to (has the special purpose for) language acquisition.
Who gets the Din? Usually, it is those who are not yet very advanced speakers of the language, or those who are reading or listening to a type of language they are not familiar with (they don’t know very well). Notice that I said read or listen to this language. We acquire languages by reading and listening, especially reading and listening to things we are able to understand. The Din may be your brain’s way of telling you that you are picking up new language, that your LAD is working.
Don’t be discouraged (down, depressed) if you don’t now hear a Din after listening to or reading English. Many of you are already very advanced speakers, and the English you read and listen to now may not contain anything “new” for you to acquire (to get, to pick up). Remember the Din also seems to work for music as well as language, so just listening to a new song a couple of times will soon give you the Din experience. Just be sure to pick a song you like!
This song by Green Day is, I think, about saying good-bye. The title, Good Riddance, is something we say when we are glad that something or someone is no longer here. I think the title is facetious (joking; being funny). He is not really glad that the person he is saying good-bye to is gone.
This song is dedicated to P.D.M. It is not “good riddance” but a loving farewell to one of the best men who ever lived.
~ Lucy
“Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”
by Green Day
Another turning point (time to make a major life change), a fork stuck in the road (a place or time where/when more than one option or way is possible)
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of (accept a bad situation and make it as good as possible) this test, and don’t ask why
It’s not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It’s something unpredictable (not able to know the future), but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life (a great experience; the most enjoyable, interesting, and exciting experience of your life).
So take the photographs, and stillframes (each individual picture in a film) in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time Tattoos (permanent pictures on your body made with ink) of memories and dead skin on trial (being judged) For what it’s worth (even though it may not be important) it was worth all the while
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
I’m sure that we could all use (would all benefit from) a little joke. A standard (common) form of a joke begins with the question, “What’s the difference between…” Here’s a joke I found on the Internet that uses this formula:
Many of you know that 
Anyone who flies a lot knows what it is like to be in an airplane with inconsiderate (not kind; not thinking of others) travelers. Here are a few common complaints:
